I lied to my daughter recently. As parents, we tell white lies to our children frequently. For instance, when your child has had enough cookies but asked for more, you’ll say, “No we don’t have any more cookies,” knowing there are more cookies hidden behind that cereal that no one’s eating. On this particular day, this lie was different. We were driving along an extended road that has several blind curves. On the left of this road, there are state protected forests and wildlife. On the right, there are a few low lying ponds perched along Florida suburbia. It is normal to see a mama deer and her fawn in the grass doing their best to keep their distance from the cars and trucks on the road. We were on our way to school.
As we took a curve, we saw a turtle trying to cross the road. In the past, I have pulled over, picked up a frightened turtle, and moved it to safety. This time I could not stop. The road did not have anywhere to pull over safely. To help the turtle, I would have needed to stop my car in the middle of the street, endangering other drivers and us. I had to keep driving and felt terrible about doing so. Without hesitation, my daughter asked me, “Mama is that turtle going to get run over and die?” I quickly answered, “No baby, I’m sure he’ll be fine and make it to the other side.” Of course, I had no way of knowing this. With worry in her voice, she quickly followed up with, “How do you know?” I said, “I’ve seen turtles cross the street all the time, I’m sure he will be fine.” Inside, however, I felt this turtle was most likely going to hit by a car. People speed down this road excessively and more so in the morning rush.
She, however, was satisfied with that answer and replied, “You’re right, mama! He is going to make it to the other side and see his friends! That’s why the turtle crossed the road! Wacka Wacka!” My five-year-old is also in a phase where she tells jokes and imitates Fonzie from the Muppets. I said, “Yup, that is exactly what is going to happen! He’ll be just fine”, and we continued on our way. After I dropped her off, I could not help but think back to that turtle.
I thought to myself, “Did I do her any favors by lying to her?” Maybe I should have just told her, “He may get hit by a car, he may not. I really don’t know.” I began asking myself why I lied to her. I questioned myself as we mothers often do, “Did I do the right thing? Don’t I want her to be strong and know that life is sometimes painful? Don’t I want her to know that the turtle was most likely toast?” I began to toss back and forth in my mind what I should or should not have said. “She’s only five. Why make her think such sad things?” The other half of my brain would say, “But I need her to be strong for this world. I should have told her he might get hit by a car. She needs to know that’s a possibility.” As you read this, you’re probably thinking to yourself that I need to relax. You might be saying, “Lady, this isn’t that big of a deal. I tell my kids that animals are going to be fine all the time knowing they are not going to be.”
I realized soon after why I lied to her. My daughter is such a positive girl. She looks at everything as beautiful. She often replies with, “Mama everything is OK because God loves us.” In her world, the glass isn’t always half full, it’s boiling over. I do not want her to lose that. In a world that will try and tear her down and make her cynical, I never want her to lose that positivity. She spreads sunshine even on the cloudiest of days.
As I made my way back down the same road where the turtle was crossing before, I thought to myself, “It’s OK that I told her he would be fine. Even if he may not be. There’s always a chance he made it to the other side.” The doubt began to creep in. I was sure I was about to see a dead turtle. I started to make that curve towards the side of where the turtle would be if he survived. I slowed down, and my eyes began to scour the bottom of the road.
My eyes immediately saw little legs doing their best to push their way up a small hill. There was the turtle. Walking along, doing its best to climb that hill. An enormous smile came to my face. I thought to myself, “Gianna, you were right. He made it to the other side and would be meeting up with his friends after all.” It was refreshing to witness.
In life, we never know what the outcome will be, but we can control how we perceive the process and the results. For my beautiful girls, Gianna Noelle and Adalind Marie, I want you to look at the world with positivity. If you are ever given a choice and you want to cross a road, don’t let fear hold you back. The future is going to come regardless. You will cross that road to get where you are going, or you’ll stay behind, afraid that you could get hurt in trying to pass. Go ahead and cross that road. What awaits you on the other side may be unexpected and glorious, or it may be heartbreaking and hard. You will always come out a better and stronger person because of the process.
